I looked at my own cervix.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
