I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
