dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
