and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
