You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
please come you make the beer taste better
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
