is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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