It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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