he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
