My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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