Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
