i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize