woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
