i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
