Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
