The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
