You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I supernannyed him into submission
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
