Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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