piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize