Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
