Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
