Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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