im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think I won the penis lottery.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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