Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
