I wanna bring you to show and tell
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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