i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
