We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
