My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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