She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
