got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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