Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
