He asked to "fluff my boner.."
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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