Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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