i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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