your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
