The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
