he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
