he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
