I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So drunk its hurt
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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