Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize