yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
That's when you crack a 10am beer
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So here I am, sexting at work.
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