Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
