bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
