I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
