i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
