DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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