ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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