I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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