I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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