Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
