new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
