Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
