I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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