its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
