There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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