i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
