youre lurking in front of me
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
