A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I didn't notice because vodka
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
