Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
