i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
