I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
