Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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