don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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