Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize