everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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