You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
