I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We have so much sex to catch up on
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
