shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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