Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
